Saturday, January 22, 2011

The Box


So let me tell you all - Dear Readers - about the outrageously hot mess that is The Box starring Ms. Cameron Diaz - in what surely should have one her the Pia Zadora Golden Globe for Best Performance as a Southern Norma Since Sally Field as Norma Rae. I mean, this shit was nutsy-coo.

So the premise of the movie is the Frank Langella, with half a burn face, delivers a mysterious box to the Cammie D. and James Marsden (who honestly is like a 2-D paper cut out... He's like a full-white Halle Berry, that's how boring he is). I digress. Anyway they get this box and a note that says something like "Wait until tomorrow at 5 and you'll know all about it." So tomorrow and five comes and so does Frank Langella and he says here's the key, push the button and someone you've never met will die and you'll get $1,000,000.00 tax free, end of story. I won't give away too much but the shit get crazy (in a good way).

However, there is a sub-plot which I will give away and this involves Cammie D's big toe. Apparently, as a child, in 1958 her brother dropped a dumbbell on her foot and she was taken to the Dr. and he put her foot (just her foot) in front of an X-ray machine and it stays there for just a little too long and she gets Toe Chitlins and they have to be amputated. So she spends the rest of her life being a six-foot tall model sans one tootsie (Where's Matthew Barney when you need him?).

The oddest part of the movie is that she teaches college-level English (Sartre - please!) and she reveals her (lack of) toes to a pervy student during class. It's a real nail biter of a scene. Pun Intended. Anyway, rent it, stream it, borrow it and let me know your thoughts Dear Readers. I loved it!

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