Friday, January 14, 2011

Cancer Free!

Okay I don't think I have cancer... here are the symptoms according to (which I'm sure is an authority on cancer):

Difficulty swallowing / feeling like food is stuck
Difficulty swallowing (dysphagia) is the most common symptom of esophageal cancer. If the esophagus narrows because of the cancer, it is more difficult for food to pass through the esophagus on its way to the stomach. This usually begins with larger pieces of food, but can then worsen to the point that even thin liquids won't go down easily - This is not a problem for me! Although last week one of my teeth hurt when I was drinking cold liquids... is there teeth cancer?

Pain when swallowing
Pain may occur when swallowing if the cancer is large enough to block the esophagus. The pain may be felt within a few moments after swallowing, when the food or liquids reach the tumor and can't pass. Pain may also occur if the cancer causes a lesion in the lining of the esophagus or if it invades surrounding tissues. The pain is often felt in the chest or in the back between the shoulder blades. - I do have a soar throat so there is minor pain, but that could just be from me, well, soar throat.

Excessive saliva
To help pass food through the esophagus, the body makes more saliva. As it becomes more difficult to swallow, the body produces more saliva to compensate.- Guilty as charged! I always have excessive saliva which I why I think I'm great at certain oral activities (if you know what I mean). Also, I love to spit, which admittedly is a disgusting habit but I perfected it as a young person standing in my driveway. I thought it was macho. Or rather I thought it made me macho. "Wrong!" - Liza Minnelli, Liza With a Z


Heartburn often occurs. It's a burning sensation in the chest and throat. - Definitely not. Although I did, not so long ago, admit myself to the emergency room because I thought I was having a heart attack. Just some indigestion I suppose.

Unexplained weight loss
Losing weight when not trying, and there is no other reason / cause for the weight loss.- I wish!

The need to frequently clear your throat, and experiencing a hoarse voice that can't be explained by any other condition or illness.- Yes and no.

This can either be food or blood. You may vomit blood that has seeped from the tumor into your esophagus or stomach.- With the exception of right after Insanity, no.

Black, tarry stools
Bleeding from the esophagus can show up as black, tarry stools (melena) as stomach acid turns black.- This is my favorite one. There's something about the idea of a black, tarry stool which appeals to me. Like it would be easier to pick up and throw or something. More solid, less viscousy. I hate a viscous stool. Don't you?


  1. Hey -

    happy you are cancer free! I always knew you would be. Stay strong in the New Year bro!