I started Insanity today. For those of you who don't know - hold on, for those of you? - for me, who is the only one reading this - Insanity is a 60-day workout routine/regimen that is a non-stop, balls-to-the-wall shit show. It's hard and I'm supposed to eat a lot of egg whites and turkey bacon. Joy.
I should tell you that I bought this Insanity workout package on a street corner, outside of the Radio Shack on 7th Avenue. Classy. It was brand new and only $50. Score!
So I did the fit test which lasts a little less than 30 minutes. About 26 or 27 minutes or something like that. It was hard. It's meant to measure - you guessed it - your level of fitness and I'm supposed to do it every 2 weeks while I do this workout. After I thought I was going to throw up/have a heart attack/throw up my heart.
Here are my stats for my first Fit Test:
Switch Kicks: 86
Power Jayck: 42 (not sure what's up with the "Y" in Jack... maybe this is a trans move?)
Power Knees: 68
Power Jumps: 29
Globe Jumps: 8
Suicide Jumps: 10
Push-Up Jacks: 10
Low Plank Oblique: 37
Most of these were very hard because I'm a recent non-smoker and I've had a cold or flu or some shit for the better part of a month and I did have to stop a few times to go spit up flem in the bathroom sink. The easiest were the Power Knees and the Low Plank Oblique. For me. But maybe my form was like Gumby on ecstasy. Who knows.
I also did not eat before so that could have added to the discomfort I felt in my stomach.
After, I did eat: 2 egg whites, one egg and one piece of some nutty, high-fiber toast, with a lot of water and some hot water with lemon. Then I pooped.
Tomorrow is Day 2! I'm psyching myself up for it. Okay, I'm going to stay in bed until either I or my cats force me up to feed them and then do it. It's a Saturday. Then it's a Sunday. Thursday will always be my day off for the next 2 months. But I'm supposed to come out looking like Taylor Lautner after bench pressing Robert Pattinson (the wolf and the vampire from Twilight bitches!). I'll probably end up looking like Pee-Wee Herman after a fast. Oy.
I guess that's all. I don't know. I'll keep you updated on my bowel movements and pains.
Oh! And I took a before picture but I won't post it because A: I don't know how and B: I'm not sure my man boobs will fit on screen. But I did measure my waist on day one and it's 32.5 inches. It's too much. And last time I weighed myself it was 177 or something very close to that.
OH! and I'm not drinking any alcohol for 2 months. And I'm not going to fail Abby!