Okay. I don't want to be the cynic here (of course I do... who am I kidding) but Dear Readers... really? Are you fucking kidding me?
"Hey I have a good idea!"
"What is it?"
"Well, you know how that shooting happened in Arizona? You know the state with the crazy as bananas immigration laws?"
"Totally! I love Tuscon"
"Well, I think that we should sit with each other at the State of the Union address because, I mean, won't that just be like so meaningful?"
"I guess. Just don't put me with Barney Frank"
"He he... no way dude, that guy's a total 'mo"
"And make sure I'm not with anyone who's skin is darker than Boehner's... I don't want to isolate my base."
"Dude totally feel you. Light skinned, not queer... what about Pelosi?"
"Hmmm... what's her face looking like these days? Don't want my kids thinking I'm sitting with Skeletor!"
"Oh burn! Damn! No, no, you're right... what about Lieberman? I mean, he's an Independent"
"Um, holy shit dude. Did you forget that Heimy Schmeinkmen over there is like Jew #1... I mean, that freak won't even work on a Saturday..."
"Oh yeah... Kucinich?"
"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haha ahahahahaha"
"Dude... totally kidding! hahahahhaha ... that guy is gayer than Frank!"
"Shit, he's probably sitting with Shirley Maclaine right now praying to Xenu or some shit... ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh. Tune In Tokyo!"
"no, no, you're right... total joke!"
"What about this: I'll get a life size cut out of Ted Kennedy and then one of Strom Thurmond. That'll be fucking genius! I'll be in the center and I'll be invoking history on my left and history on my right so suck it bitches!"
"Dude, you are golden!"