Friday, April 15, 2011

Aruba, Jamaica, ooh I wanna take you

Good morning Dear Readers!

I don't know where to begin... there's so much in this little gem below. First of all did he run out after making these allegations public and go to the closest Glamor Shots? Or maybe he just had this photo around, waiting to see the light of day?

I'm a firm believer that the good Reverend is probably a pervert and probably not nice to work for. But hello! It's called a boss. Granted my boss has never asked me to rub some lotion on his taint but I'm not sure it falls outside of the scope of my duties. The full article is below but I'll pull out the gems Dear Readers.

"Bennett... says that his sexual orientation was known throughout the workplace primarily because of his side job: being "Aruba Tommy" on the nationally syndicated radio talk program The Tom Joyner Morning Show." I'm sure it was his being Aruba Tommy that gave away his orientation. Not the aforementioned Glamor Shot that he has set as his desktop and that he also happens to give away every year at Christmas. And what the shit kind of name is Aruba Tommy? How does that out him as gay? I mean, I'm sure when I refer to myself as Bahama Richie at work everyone is whispering behind my back that I must be a homo. FYI - I'm stealth in the workplace. No one knows. Shhhh.

"However, the most explosive charges revolve around Jackson himself. First, Bennett claims that at an all-staff meeting in 2008, he requested an LGBT-themed table for the national convention—and was flatly denied. When Bennett questioned why there could not be a table, Jackson allegedly "cursed at Mr. Bennett in front of all of the staff, and Rev. Jackson was visibly upset during the rest of the meeting." 'Hmmmm... This is called a job. And a boss. What happens in Aruba Tommy's world? He and his bosses hold hands while talking about how to booth at next Sunday's Really Fabulous Bake Off?

Bennett also claims that he had to escort women to Jackson's room and "clean up his room after sexual intercourse with women. Mr. Bennett believes he was forced to do these tasks due to his sexual orientation," adding that he had to escort women to such places as the Sheraton Hotel in New York and the Wynn Hotel and Resort in Las Vegas. Bennett claims that he let Jackson know that he "was uncomfortable cleaning up his hotel rooms, escorting women to his hotel room, being summoned to his hotel room after hours or packing his clothes." This just makes little to no sense to me. Is it a stereotype that queers are good cleaners? Why was he chosen for this job? It kind of seems like a promotion or something? Right? Maybe he kept his cubicle extra clean? Also, is anyone shocked that the good Reverend was consistently dipping his pinky into 31 Flavors of pussy? I mean... he's a man! He's the man Bill Clinton sought council from when he couldn't get enough of M. Lewinsky. He talked Hillary down. It's the REVEREND JESSE JACKSON - Jackson, Jesse, I've got a son in me - Cat Power.

"Things reached an apex (no kidding!) later in 2008, when Bennett says he "was summoned to Rev. Jackson's hotel room" at the Hilton Chicago O'Hare Airport Hotel. Bennett claims that he was eventually instructed to apply cream to Jackson, who "had a rash between his legs." Bennett says that he refused, resulting in Jackson allegedly calling Bennett a "little motherfucker." ' Now this one is gross. After poor Aruba Tommy - *does Tom Cruise keep a residence in Aruba and/or have a predilection for black men with beards that look like the 8th hole at Pebble Beach* - had to bring ladyfriends to the good Reverend and then clean up their mess in the room now he has to clean up the mess in between the good Reverend's nutsack? This is really where it breaks down for me. Why on God's green Earth would you do that? I would have pulled out my smart phone, photographed the fuck out of that shit and put it on my Tweeter Wall ASAP. Um... yuck.

"Bennett then states that another time at the same hotel, Jackson summoned him at 1 a.m. to take notes. The complaint states, "When Mr. Bennett arrived, Rev. Jackson was dressed only in his briefs and a v-neck t-shirt." Bennett alleges Jackson was sexually excited. Asked by Windy City Times how he came to this conclusion, Bennett said, "I could tell by his look. His whole demeanor had changed. His breathing pattern had changed." ' Did the good reverend suddenly develop Gay Face? What kind of look? Also, he's in his briefs! What did that look like? His breathing pattern changed because you entered the room Aruba Tommy, flitting about in your dashiki with nothing on underneath but the aroma of cream I asked you to spread on my taint the last time you came into my hotel room! It's called filing a complaint the first time and getting the fuck out of there!

' "Before Mr. Bennett left, Rev. Jackson stated that white folks took the word 'gay' and gave the word its own definition." I'm not even sure I know what this means but I totally love it. I gave the word its own definition just like gays invented the duvet, Chablis and quiche. This seems on par given the good Reverend's love of other groups: the Jews (Get me to Hymietown!) - FYI in full force right now as the Passover Minivan drives up and down my street. I keep on running out thinking it's Mr. Softee. But alas ain't no soft serve in that van.

Who knows what to believe. I'm sure the good Reverend is a God-Fearing, Homo Loving Saint and that Aruba Tommy just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time, over and over and over and over again. God Save the Queen.

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