Wednesday, September 7, 2011

I've seen this movie before

And it's called the re-election of George W. Bush.

Quick Obama! Scare me into submission.

Here's my open letter to Mr. Obama:

Dear President Obama -

While I didn't vote for you and never really believed that electing a black president made us post-racial, only post-George W. Bush, I supported you and felt happy when you won. I was at Gavin Brown's Enterprise and, along with all the other art fags, was getting drunk on cheap champagne while watching your victory. Then I returned to my home in Crown Heights, bought some beer, basically got held up after being asked who I voted for ("Who do you think?!") and had to give the guy one of my beers. Shit.
But this is just too much. So Leon Panetta says that another threat of an attack "remains very real". Ooh. I'm scared. Was it not real last year? The year prior? What about your great speech in Germany? Or Egypt? Or Philadelphia about race - did you really have to? This feels like a bit of a wag the dog kind of situation.

Quick bomb Kosovo the intern is sucking my dick. Should we be worried Mr. President? Do you have an intern we need to know about. No, just a re-election. Really lame.

And while I know you have tried to be the Great Uniter stop it. It's embarrassing. Boehner cries and you are there with your grandma's best hankie wiping his snot. STOP.

Obama: Country, I have an important speech to give Wednesday, September 7th.

Boehner: Bitch, that is the republican debate. Think of Fox News.

Obama: Shit. You're right. I'm sorry. Country, I have an important speech to give on Thursday, September 8th.

I mean, grow a pair dude. Now, instead of hearing how you're going to stimulate the economy I have to hear how Rick Perry stimulates his life by living through Christ and Bachmann is forced to stimulate herself because her husband just loves to shop!:

Shopping help comes from another quarter, as well. Before Vice President Dick Cheney's visit this past summer, Bachmann's husband, Marcus, hit the stores -- "he's got a good sense of style" -- and came home with "a sleek, simple hourglass dress with a yoke collar in winter white." He even bought a matching coat and shoes. "I just slipped it on."

Please Mr. President. Stop trying to make nice with the Republicans or Congress. Just do it. Do something. Do anything. GWB got shit done because he sat there with Dick C. and just signed executive order after executive order. I'm not saying I agree with it - but I do wonder what people think about my library lending list? - but come on. Just do it. DO IT DO IT DO IT - Mos Def. Too black for you? Too Muslim?

Of course not! I know the real you. The real you doesn't struggle with gays or abortions. The real you is the one who does believe that all of those honkies are clinging to their guns and religion. The real you is an intellectual aesthete who doesn't want to do shots of Jim Beam - leave that to Hillary I can hear you say - but rather wants to sip a Remy Martin with a water back goddammit!

Please Mr. President - do it for me. Do it for the children.


The Interlopere

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