Sunday, September 25, 2011

Let's Call This A REALLY Bad Idea

First of all, I'm reading AM NY. Secondly, who in the shittin' H-E-double hockey sticks decided that adding cell phone service to the subway stations was a good idea? Is this to fight "terrorism"? Because the only thing we're gonna have to be fighting is me attacking those nasty hos with nasally voices who are going to be talking a la Sex and the City 2 about the things sluts talk about. Also, it's these same ladies of the night that shuffle up and down the streets of the Lower East Side in heels they cannot walk in - watch RuPaul's Drag Race ladies and learn a thing or two! - and are screaming about I-don't-know-what (and neither do they quite frankly because they're all too drunk from their Jager Bombs, Red Bulls and Adderall) to their boyfriends with big guts who just want to drink more to drown out the whine and pass out so they have a reason for not hiding their dicks in those holes - okay, i'm off topic here.
Think of it. You're standing on the subway platform, trying to mind your own beeswax by listening to Tori Amos Genius playlist while reading Portia De Rossi's Unbearable Lightness (she's a good writer dammit!) through your sunglasses and Vinnie NoNuts is going to be screaming at his poor wife at home in Queens that he's going to be late because "da fuckin' MTA, man... shit's never fuckin' workin' so get off my dick woman... don't you tell me to watch who I'm speakin' at!"
Oh Jesus. Turn up Me and A Gun.

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