Sunday, November 6, 2011

And If by 'Risks' You Mean Big Paychecks...

Let me tell you about risks. It's called Aunt Shannon bringing her 'friend' home to Grandma Betty for the first time:

Aunt Shannon: Mom, this is Jody... my girlfriend.

Grandma Betty: She looks like Paul McCartney.

Risks is devoutly Catholic Grandma Louise yelling at my uncle's estranged girlfriend:

Estranged Girlfriend: Louise, your son got me pregnant.

Grandma Louise: Well then have an abortion!

Leonardo DiCraprio making a movie where he has to kiss Arm & Hammer on the lips while wearing a frock from the Dress Barn Outlet because he gained some weight eating too many cupcakes all the while making many millions of dollars and is a guarantee for an Oscar nomination... not risky.

Risky is Salma Hayek whipping out her titties in sub-Saharan Africa to feed the children. And making Puss 'n' Boots 3D. Girlfriend - you are set for life. Don't make shitty movies.

Risk is me writing this scathing blog post... I'll Never Eat Lunch in This Town Again!

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