Sunday, November 13, 2011

Conspiracy Theory

Now you know, Dear Readers, that Crystal Bridges love a conspiracy as much as the next classy dame. In fact we just watched Conspiracy Theory starring Ms. Julia Roberts and Mel Gibson. Total typecasting, by the way. Anyway, in our search for the truth we keep coming across this: According to Bob Ortega, in his new book In Sam We Trust, Alice Walton has had an unpleasant history with cars. In 1983, during a family holiday in Mexico, Alice rented a jeep and "somehow, she lost control on a curve and plunged into a ravine, shattering one leg." Again in 1989, "speeding down the highway in her 1987 Porsche on her way from the farm to work, Alice Walton slammed into a woman trying to cross the road, killing her instantly. Oleta Hardin was killed, a 50 year old mother of two . Although Walton had been ticketed twice in the previous year, and had been speeding when she hit Hardin, local police decided not to file any charges against Alice.

Now, Dear Readers, we can't find this from any 'legitimate' news source but it's all over the Internets. I've searched hi and low (read: on Google and The NY Times) and have come up dry - keep the personal lubricant jokes to yourselves, perverts.

Is Alice Walton a drunk killer or do people have it out for America's 3rd richest lady? Has Oprah planted this story? And who is Oleta Hardin?

These are all questions we plan to get into it... on this, our new investigative reporting show, The InterReportere:

The InterReportere: Bringing you hard facts, soft truths and tumescence.

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