Sunday, November 13, 2011

I'm Transitioning

Back to my true self. Now, Dear Readers, I know that I've struggled with keeping The Interlopere's identity under lock and key but I just had to reveal myself when I heard the devastating news about the Wal*Mart Museum (C). We are going to dedicate all day to the uncovering of the secrets of this catastrophe! We've got a crack team now down there in Arkansas or Alabama or Mississippi or wherever that Crystal... No wait. I am Crystal Bridges. What a relief! It's like I can finally live my life out of the shadows.

I know Jenny is from the Block or whatever but Ms. Gloria Estefan got her shit all Elian Gonzalez over here from Cuba.

Anyway, back to Crystal... no, to save from confusion we are going to call that Wal*Mart Museum (C) Virginia Slims. Because I have always been and always will be Crystal Bridges.

Now Dear Readers you may think it convenient that I come out at this time, like an accuser of Herman McCain, but it is not for the extra Google searches, the mistaken FaceBook identities or the free Warhols or Johns (Jaspers pigs!) that will get shipped to me because of this identity hoo-hah. It is because I could no longer live my life in the closet. I was given this name by my gay mother, Alexis Cristal Remy Martin many years ago. It is a combination of the great Crystal Carrington and Alicia Bridges. I love the nightlife. I got to boogie. On the disco round and round and round. This is how the REAL Crystal Bridges was born. Many years ago in a trailer park in upstate New York while extinguishing mom's cigarettes because she was too drunk or too lazy or just too despondent.

We are going to break this Crystal, er, Virginia Slims wide open! Stay tuned!

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