Monday, November 21, 2011

Speaking of Ellen Barkin

So as I told you about Crystal took her tired ass to a double-feature this weekend and saw a 10:10 screening of 'Another Happy Day' starring Ms. Ellen Barkin, Ms. Ellen Burstyn, Kate Bosworth - her best role ever - and other people, including Mrs. The Kutch.

So as you may or may not know, I love Ellen Barkin. I used have fantasies that she was my mother and that Steven Spielberg was my father and that Kate Capshaw was none the wiser. Yes I spent hours in the mirror trying to recreate that famous Barkin smirk and justifying my nose as Spielbergs. I watched 'This Boy's Life' over and over and over again and then I would watch the opening sequence of 'Indiana Jones and The Temple of Doom' just to feel bad for Kate. Anything Goes indeed. And then I would put on my sister's old prom gown and re-enact the whole thing, squeezing into mom's size 8 Easy Spirits:

Mom: Turn that music down!

Me: Shut up!

Mom: Don't make me come in there!

Me: And do what?!

Mom (banging on my door, smoking): Listen you little son of a bitch...

Me: You just insulted yourself.

Mom: What?

Me: Yeah.

Anyway, I show up to this 10:10 screening for which I paid $14.50 because I bought my ticket in advance because I was convinced it would be sold out because both Ellen Barkin and Sam Levinson were supposed to be there to talk about the film. And it's rumored that they're dating and I was going to tweet, facebook, foursquare the shit out of it. But they didn't show. And I sat there alone, with the other 15 people in the theater wondering what the shit?

Where were they? Were they off having really hot young man, old lady sex like Sam Taylor-Wood and Aaron Johnson (did you know, Dear Readers, that she has had cancer? Twice?).

Anyway, I still love you Ellen Barkin and will never call you Grandma even when you are one but I thought this could have been our spiritual reunion. The time when our eyes connected and you realized that you needed me too. That who better to play your son & lover in The Interlopere's biopic than I, Crystal Bridges?

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