Friday, October 28, 2011

File Under: The Hell You Say!

It what appears to shock nobody The New York Times states the obvious: Spoiled Whities protesting about "too many Starbucks in Williamsburg!"

or maybe: "Don't gentrify my neighborhood!"

Shirley You Must Be Joking!

Who are you calling Shirley?!

One of Hollywood's most natural beauties, Ms. Shirley Maclaine, is explaining the Gay in her new books, I'm Over That - And Other Confessions. Sometimes this shit just writes itself.

"One of the explanations for homosexuality and transgenderism could, I believe, be a profound identification with a recent incarnation as a member of the opposite sex.

"I believe each one of us has had both male and female lifetimes.

"As we make our soul's journey through time, I think resistance to reincarnational understanding is because we feel threatened by our sexual identity.

"We just don't like to contemplate seriously that we might have been a member of the opposite sex in a previous incarnation.

"Questions of sex and the spiritual understanding of the soul are intertwined."

ABSOLUTELY. I've convinced myself that in former lives I've been everyone from Dorothy Parker to Dorothy Hammill. Don't front.

Something Light on a Friday

Dear God I hope I end up on this site!

I Hate To Say I Told You So...

But not really Dear Readers. While The Interlopere can often be humbled by Grandma Louise - bitch is living large at 91! - stutterers and cats with three legs this is not one of those times.

Of course Hillary is polling better! She's amazing.

Capitol Hill!

I really think she should run. She would not take any of this shit from Boehner.

Hillary: Listen Boner - you think think your bullshit crocodile tears are going to scare me from passing my agenda. I will use those tears as my douche mother fucker. I'm holding court with dictators, revolutions, Bill mother fucking Clinton. Don't think for one second that you are going to sway me bitch. Oh yeah Palin. Fuck you! I will wipe my ass with your Sam's Club-I'm all Country-I love 'Merica-bullshit. Get your flat ass back in your mini van and take Tripp and Trigg and Geometry to the McDonald's Playland and give your nickel change to the Ronald McDonald House so that you can feel better about yourself.


Palin: I'm out y'all.


Try Harder

Now here is where, Dear Readers, The Interlopere gets very confused. I don't know if Ruth is to blame. What I do know is her mango dermabrasion from the QVC joan Rivers collection has never worked better!

Also, if I had as much money as they did (do?) I would pay someone to get rid of that horrible Long Island accent - apologies to all of my readers on the Penis-ula! Okay, okay, I know it's an island (is it? do I?) but I couldn't make a penis joke with "Island". Unless I said "One Eye-land trouser snake"! Ha!

Anyway, Ruth is nasty. But I feel bad because she can't get her hair done and she's living in seclusion in *GASP* Florida! Isn't that punishment enough Dear Readers?

But seriously, this Mama Bear (read: Cougar) is just doing this because her son is publishing a memoir (Mem-WA) on the whole debacle. Grandma needs some money.

And really, I think that the two of you, together, could have figured out how much Ambien to take to never wake up. And the idea that you mailed sentimental items to friends because you thought you would be dead? How about you thought you were losing all of your money but still needed baubles to finger as you cried yourself to sleep every night because you knew your hairdresser was quitting you.

Don't Piss On My Leg And Tell Me It's Raining - Judge Judy Sheindlin

I have a thought... or two

Now I know most of you out there - save for Grandma Betty - aren't big fans of George W. Bush. I'm not either. But I was wondering last night while sipping my Chablis at 2AM during a screening of A Star is Born starring Ms. Barbra Streisand at home on my white leather sofa... like buttah...

Is George W. Bush responsible for the Arab Spring?

Now before you're ready to send me to Ciudad Juarez or NIagara Falls - the Canadian side! - riddle me this:

The world sees GWB go in and take out Saddam. For better or worse. An unjustified war indeed. But he (we?) remove a despot and the rest is herstory.

Did this action (the removal of SH) inspire these other uprisings. Either out of sheer inspiration (Go America!) or most likely fear that America would come in and take over their countries... so instead of that these folks remove their own nasty leaders. Is Occupy Wall Street a direct descendant of the legacy of GWB?

Don't shoot the messenger.

Step Off Bitches

Once again, it's been too long Dear Readers but that's what happens when this girl is busting her ass like Mary Tyler Moore. So forgive me if I'm behind the times with the Occupy Wall Street, Arab Spring, Herman Melville and Beyonce's Baby Bump. We're getting there.

Speaking of Beyonce:

Mark Block, Herman Cain's Chief of Staff , is amazing for a number of reasons. A: He shakes his head like he's Beyonce after getting fitted for a new weave. Oh Ms. Beyonce that blonde has never looked better on anyone...

"America's never seen a candidate like Herman Cain." Black?

FInally, the famous cigarette smoking. I'm going to vote for HC just for that. Thank Jesus someone other than Betty Draper is smoking on TV... and that shit eatin' grin on HC's face? Priceless.

HC 2012. I don't know what he's about. I don't understand the 999 (other than it's an upside down 666 and mom always told me never to take "the sign of the beast - even if they offer you food!") but I'm happy to vote for America's first Italian-American President. Viva Godfather Pizza!