Saturday, December 31, 2011

Cars 3: Gay Cars
Okay this is either an anal bleaching/crystal meth party gone horribly wrong or HAS ANYONE SEEN COURTNEY LOVE LATELY?

Seriously, who is torching the gay cars in West Hollywood?

Also, I can't get over my fascination with anal bleaching. Love it!

Crystal's Indignant AGAIN

Fine, right, a harmless little article about Dick Clark. The perennial teenager or whatever they call him. Except that he had a stroke, has slurred speech and is visibly OLD now. And all of that's fine. I don't care. But dont' do this: The guy is still the boss. He walks into the room, and you defer. He is Dick Clark. - Ryan Seacrest.

Really? No you don't. They guy is probably wheeled into the room, halfway lucid and propped up to countdown from ten - which, according to the article, he can't do very well anymore. And again, this is fine, but why do we do this? It perpetuates this weird myth that old people aren't real and that youth rules. Okay, I believe that. But really, if we didn't have to do this GrandMadonna would be able to let her 50+ pussy fly without worries of vaginoplasty (speaking of Vagina Dentata - ouch!). Cher could wear her thong booby combination and let that skin sag. It's okay people. We all get old. Okay, now I have to go take my supplements, drink my aloe vera juice and apply SPF 75 sunblock all over my bodice.

Sisters AREN'T doing it for themselves.

Good Morning Dear Readers -

I'm pissed. Partially because as Crystal was resting on the toilet after too many cups of coffee I came across this in today's newspaper:
Now most of this articles is Obama loves queers but won't say it because it's too risky for an election year. Although there is a (small) part of it that says Obama loves queers and may say something before the election because the Republicans are so anti-gay that all the rest of us that don't eat opossum and fuck our sisters (wait? what?) need someone to vote for.

Fine. But then this little gem, which really burns Crystal's britches.

In October, two weeks after the military’s ban on openly gay soldiers ended, the president received a standing ovation at a dinner held by the Human Rights Campaign, a group that advocates for gay rights. He felt comfortable enough with the crowd to joke about having held “productive bilateral talks with your leader, Lady Gaga.”

Hmmmm. Well, HRC, not okay with me. A: they have many times thrown trans health issues away. And we all know that trannies need health care like everyone else - and yes I go the memo and no I don't care.

B: HRC will give a standing ovation to a president who has openly said, many times, that he does not support gay marriage? Listen, I'm not sure I do either - or any marriage for that matter - but Crystal is not being feted for her support of queers. Or is she, every day in every way as she struts up and down Rivington, looking for that dollar pizza slice?

C: And this is really the bee in my mother-fucking-I-am-worshipping-the-lord-our-savior-Hillary Rodham Clinton-bonnet: productive bilateral talks with your leader, Lady Gaga. Exsqueeze me? Now for all the queens in the audience you may want to stop reading because I am sure to offend. But what the fuckin' shit fuck? Really? We are not all apple-tini drinking, Lacoste wearing (Crystal wouldn't dream!), clutch carrying faggots who wear matching bow ties with our new husband OMG Isn't he so cute and he's a total power bottom. Do you have meth?

What the fuck? I'm sure the HRC crowd creamed their collective panties full of bleached assholes and shaved balls and less pubic hair than Pierre after his balls went to the place in the sky I like to call Grandma Louise's Compound - bitch is still going strong. Go Lou!

Why do gay men in particular participate in this minstrel? Will & Grace are dead. Grace is now do something on some new show where Steven Spielberg talks about Marilyn Monroe. And I think Will might actually be dead.

This is the equivalent of Obama going to the NAACP and saying that he has had "productive bilateral talks with your leader, Oprah." Oh wait.

Okay, it's like if he went to Chinatown and said that he has held "productive bilateral talks with your leader, Mickey Rooney, in Breakfast at Tiffany's.

Why do we continue to take this? I'm telling you, once more, Dear Readers HIllary is Saviour. British version bitches. And fuck even that. Just live your own life. You really need the state to tell you it's okay. Because you'll never feel affirmed because they are never going to tell you that going to the Bathhouse high on meth and sucking twelve dicks in one night is okay (but really, I didn't swallow.) UGH.

And speaking of Gaga - bitch is a product. She's like 3 years old and had a store at Barney's filled with shit to get young gays to blow their wad on garbage. She should at least wait until she washed up like her idol, GrandMadonna, to start selling crap like her new fragrance Truth or Dare, available at fine department stores everywhere. What the shit is that going to smell like? The '90s? Vitamin B shots, Restalyne and Human Growth Hormone? African Placentas? You know that's why she is Raising Malawi. So she can take all these babies and get the after birth (AFTER BIRTH - Grace Jones, Boomerang) in hopes of rejuvenating her youth, career, life.

Friday, December 30, 2011

I know, I know

Listen - It's been nearly a month since I got my tired, fat ass off of the sofa to write this shit. I get it. But we've been under a lot of stress. (I was going to say duress but I'm not sure of the spelling or definition - damn you home schooling!). Anyway, there are a couple of reasons: A: Gorgeous was exhausted after being date raped by Art Basel. That shit is just plain stoopid and she is now in recovery.

Crystal Bridges, well, she's taking longer to build than originally thought. But Roberta likes her so that's enough for us over here at The Interlopere.

Actually I don't know if Ms. Smith likes us or not as I haven't had the opportunity to read this. Read: I've been drunk trolling the Internet every night - Crystal on Manroulette:

Crystal: Hi


Crystal: 9 inches here!


Crystal: Look at Pierre!


The other reason is that Crystal is still working her two jobs, one at the 5 & 10 and the other at the soup kitchen, putting slosh in tin cups and then hocking doo doo and tampons. This will end soon.

Another reason is that I've been busying myself getting my transcripts from the aforementioned home schooling so I can finally get my Associate's from DeVry. Mom won't return my calls.

What the shit?!

The whole point to this is that Crystal, Gorgeous and the entire The Interlopere family are going to come back large in 2012. We're going to join Skanz - that's right... Skanz! and hopefully get our figure back.

I know, I know it's cliche to start anew on January 1 but right now that's all we have so shut the shit down.

So things to look forward to in 2012: Our top ten lists of: our favorite outfits, best places to masturbate in a 500 square foot apartment, how to cover up face herpes when you have an Internet hook up, crabs, best Deepak Chopra books I've never read, dead people.

Okay, love you all toots!

One more cup of coffee 'fore I go... to the valley below - Bob Dylan ft. Emmylou Harris

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Is Jerry Saltz a The Interlopere fan?

He certainly must be or else he is clairvoyant. See what Jerry said above and see what Crystal said only a few posts ago.

Things that make you go "Hmmmmm?"

Work of (F)Art

Now Jerry Saltz has gone and done it too. Following in the grand footsteps of Mr. Adam Lindemann ne Asshole and Charles Saatchi, Jerry has gone and entered into the 'Art should be pure!' mode of critique. Which is really starting to sound like blah blah blah I'm a middle-aged straight white schlubby man and why won't Nate Lowman return my phone calls. There is no longer room at the Inn for everyone. Or maybe there is and that's the problem.

Let's dissect Jerry's piece in NY Magazine. Let's!

J’accuse museums of bullshit! Of ­bogusly turning themselves into smash-hit consumer circuses, box-office sensations of voyeurism and hipster showbiz.

Here, let's replace 'museums' with Work of Art, Jerry's hit Bravo reality competition show.

Many museums are drawing audiences with art that is ostensibly more entertaining than stuff that just sits and invites contemplation. Interactivity, gizmos, eating, hanging out, things that make noise—all are now the norm, often edging out much else.

Here, let's replaces 'many museums' with Work of Art, Jerry's hit Bravo reality competition show.

It’s arty junk food, It would be impossible to imagine anyone getting anything from these works, except briefly distracted, It’s a vacuous vicious circle, ostensible populism masquerading as collectivity, They no longer serve art

Hmmmm... is Jerry talking about museums or Work of Art his hit Bravo reality competition.

The Interlopere: Crystal Bridges Spares No One.


Now we weren't going to share this because I believe that some things should just remain between friends (hookers, coke habits) but after some thought and prayer with my good friend Deepak Chopra: Gorgeous you must share your experience with the world in order to enact change - I thought, 'Deepak, you are so right.' so here is a picture of me with me good friends Diddy and Julian Schnabel or Orange Julian as I like to call him.

Closing Time

For Gorgeous' final night at Art Basel Miami Bitch we were personally invited by Mr. Kehinde Wiley to his fish fry. Now, normally this is a private event reserved for just family but for some reason Mr. Wiley decided to open it up to some friends (read: trash) so Gorgeous had to slum it with the likes of Joe (and you know who you are Joe! We were bored before it began!). We do have to say however that this night Gorgeous made a new best friend - no it's not you Naomi! but Sarah, glamor personified. Oh! And here's our good friend Crystal Bridges - we're not sure how this bitch got in but there was a rumor that someone blew the security guard in the bushes of The Standard. Crystal has been known to slum it before. Anyway, we danced the night away while sipping on Remy Martin Mojitos.


Catherine Zeta Jones Slept Here

Okay so maybe she didn't sleep here exactly but CZJ did rest her weary bones on Gorgeous' chair at the NADA art fair where she bought some gorgeous reproductions - 'put your card away Catherine! I've got it dahling!' said Bob Colacello or was it Vito Schnabel? Who can keep up? So, Catherine put her Discover back in her vintage Gloria Vanderbilt wallet wrapped in leather and lace - in all honesty she was looking like a grandma-fied Stevie Nicks. Speaking of Stevie Nicks Grandma Naomi Campbell also stopped by, looking rode hard and put away wet.
Gorgeous saw it all.

Mr. Adam Lindemann ne Asshole

As we have previously reported Mr. Adam Lindemann ne Asshole had boycotted Art Basel Miami Beach because blah blah blah. Well, when Gorgeous stormed in to the party of all parties, the place where people were clamoring to get in, where the flashbulbs were too hot to handle when Gorgeous strutted her hot ass up the front stairs next to Naomi and Diddy wearing her up to there slit who should show up next to her, schlubbing his way into all of my press? None other than Mr. Adam Lindemann ne Asshole. I guess he just couldn't resist all of the glitz and glamor of Miami Beach. Here are some photos I snapped from my secret Snatch Camera of Mr. Lindemann. He looks like he's having a good time to me.

Monday, December 5, 2011

Gorgeous is coming off of her hangover. Expect full reporting tomorrow.